January 2012
4 posts
October 2011
1 post
3 tags
Side chick.
People go to work and forget about their problems for thoes few hours. I went to work today & my problem followed me in there. How dare you come to MY place of work & try & check me out. Bitch, you have my phone #. You have my facebook. So why in the fuck did you come into my work? I removed myself from the situation not because I was scared, but because I didn’t want to lose my...
July 2011
2 posts
4 tags
What do birds & I have in common?
We’re both angry. Angry to the point I want to punch you in your face. Angry that I want to do what you did to me so bad. But I won’t. Because I’m a coward, because I feel like I NEED you. I don’t need you. It’s just a matter of time I come to realize this.
P.S. Don’t ever threaten to take MY son away from me. It will NEVER happen. EVEREVEREVER.
June 2011
1 post
3 tags
Back to the land of Zoloft
I’m back on medication. My heart beats a different kind of pain this time.
March 2011
1 post
2 tags
February 2011
4 posts
4 tags
What I have not done the past 3 weeks & 4 days
- Worn make-up - Slept more than 2 hours at a time - Blow dried my hair - Taken a shower longer than 10 minutes
Never in my life did I think thoes things would be a luxury. I just don’t have the energy to do my hair or make-up. It’s funny because I lived for thoes things months ago. I just don’t know remember what I looked like wearing make-up. Ha ha ha. I feel bad for my...
“Down through history men have always been measured by how hard they work and...”
– Not Easily Broken
4 tags
Motherhood.
Sometimes I just hold my baby and cry. Not like a sobbing cry just tears flowing. Do I know the reason why? No. I’m sure it has to do with the ‘baby blues’ and/or the fact I’ve battled depression for 6 years. It just ended on January 31st 2011. It honestly just ended. No 2 week notice per say. It’s just over. Pregnancy is over. I’m over the moon and this is what...
January 2011
2 posts
3 tags
Oh Mother.
I have lived with my mom for 22 years. She has been my provider and my protection. My mom was the only one who could make anything right. She’s the only one I fully trust. She’s the only one who knew everything I needed. I felt in a way I was leaving that, leaving her behind as I move on. That’s the last thing I could ever do. It’s how I felt but it’s something I had...
December 2010
1 post
2 tags
No Subject
I don’t know why last night effected me so much. I rarely bring last nights fights into the next day. My tears were so much more than your ‘rudeness’ last night. I didn’t know how to put them into words. I instead just let tears fall hoping you’d some how just know. I hate saying thoes things to you. I hate calling you thoes names. I sometimes wish I wasn’t so...
November 2010
1 post
October 2010
1 post
3 tags
September 2010
0 posts
I'm afraid to talk to God cause we aint spoke in...
My entire life my mom has always done the praying. Whenever I needed prayer I’d ask her, but this time I think I need to start. She’s one of the most powerful prayers I know. I don’t know where to start but I need too. My relationship, my life, my unborn child, my boyfriend… Its up to me.
I dunno where to start but this seems like a good place….
August 2010
4 posts
“She who has beheld the face of God should never fear the face of man.”
– Anonymous
“When I say, “I love you”, it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have...”
– Joss Whedon | Submitted by: bornonthe17th (via quote-book)
4 tags
The letter I never thought I had the courage to...
Dear him,
My heart breaks everytime I’m with you. My heart breaks everytime I’m not with you. I’m not sure which is worse. I’ve lost myself in you. You’re the reason my life is worth living. I swore to myself I would never lose myself in some man for fear you’d also lose who I am. You’re the only person who knows who I am. You have so much control over my...
May 2010
1 post
I have this strange peace when I re enact how I’d break up with you in my mind. I don’t know if I’ve tried too hard to make this work or if I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t think my requests were that hard too do. Or that they were so awful, but you make them out to be. You make it seem like I expect you to check in with me. No, once again you’re turning what...
April 2010
2 posts
Someones bound to hear my cry.
I ended up at the same park my mom use to run away too when her marriage got bad. I sat in my car with tears rolling down my face. I watched people, I saw the cars go by, but most of all I sat waiting for your response to a text. At this point I’m not sure what we were arguing about. I’m not really sure what reaction I was trying to get out of you. But I never get what I want.
Maybe I...
February 2010
2 posts
“I loved a girl a lot and I think I had an experience a lot of guys have had....”
– John Mayer.
December 2009
3 posts
Just breathe.
I’m sitting here with a bottle of wine and a million thoughts. Thoughts of life, death, love, hate. There’s nothing that hasn’t ran through my mind tonight. Is it because of you? Yes, perhaps it is. Perhaps it’s not. I don’t know what I think these days and what causes it. Maybe it’s hormonal or because of my chemical imbalance……
You made me so...
Going to California with an aching in my heart.
Nothing is genuinely wrong with our ‘realtionship’.. except the fact its not really a relationship. I shouldn’t feel emptier and emptier every time we’re done ‘hanging out’. But I do. Maybe it’s because its built on sex? Or was built on sex.
I looked through your phone today. Text messages from the same girl whose blowing up your facebook. Text messages...
November 2009
1 post
Thank you.
Dear Delerious_Erotica,
Your blog made me understand a lot. You helped me realize I needed help. You helped me realize that I wasn’t alone in this battle. There’s so many days I think about a quote or picture you had on your page. My friend and I use to spend hours on your page, both for different reasons. I believe we had mutual friends but I will never know who you are. Just know I...
October 2009
1 post
September 2009
5 posts
This sums it up.
Every single scar holds a story, it’s own history. She remember what she was thinking; she knows what she was doing each time. “If I didn’t cut, they wouldn’t exist. Because in Greek the opposite of the word ‘truth’ isn’t ‘false’ and isn’t ‘dishonesty’. It’s ‘forgotten.’ So the opposite of truth is forgotten....
“People change and forget to tell each other.”
– Lillian Hellman
He's just not that into you.
I read the book, I saw the movie and still I sit here making excuses for uinexcusable thing. Ex.: He texts me all day, until he goes out. My thoughts: “He’s busy, he’s having a good time, he rarely goes out..” But I know that He SHOULD want to. He SHOULD want to text me at least to say “hi” or to see how I am doing. Maybe I am just selfish and needy.. Who...
“In the silence of night I have often wished for just a few words of love from...”
He cares.. in his own way.
I’ve grown up hearing my mom say that to me. It was just a couple days ago when she said it about the current “relationship” I’m in. It made me think… Why can’t he care in the way I want him too? Why do I have to adapt to the way he cares? Why can’t he adapt to the way I care? So many questions, but no answers.
Maybe I have a false image of what caring...
July 2009
2 posts
“FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you,...”
Friends with benefits
I’m completely comfortable with sex, sexual things and my sexuality but this is something that I am not comfortable with. Why? Because your relationship with that person is built around thoes ‘benefits’. Getting to know the persons dislikes, likes and personality are second to sex. The relationship is built on nothing solid. The main reason for that relationship is sex and only...
March 2009
1 post
Love doesn't hurt.
I guess it’s time to face thoes demons I’ve tried to avoid for so long due to the RiRi/Chris Brown situation. And the fact I have a friend who is in a similar situation makes me relive thoes god awful memories..
Ever since I was a little girl my mom had always taught me that love is patient, love is kind.. you know the scripture.. and now I’m realizing that love now a days is...