Born to Blossom, Bloom to Perish

The letter I never thought I had the courage to write.

Dear him,

My heart breaks everytime I’m with you. My heart breaks everytime I’m not with you. I’m not sure which is worse. I’ve lost myself in you. You’re the reason my life is worth living. I swore to myself I would never lose myself in some man for fear you’d also lose who I am. You’re the only person who knows who I am. You have so much control over my mind. You can make me laugh, cry, scream at drop of a hat. Whatever you do has a reaction whether negative or positive on me. My body no longer bleeds. My heart bleeds. Tears fall.
Never would I have thought it would get this bad. Never would I have thought I’d give so much of myself to a man. You’re the first in many ways. I let you in my life. I began to trust. My family adores you. I do some one of the most personal things infront of you. What did I do wrong? What made you not want me? Thoes were the questions I asked myself for so long. Now I’ve begun asking myself what you did wrong? What was wrong with you that didn’t want me?
Yes I cry. Yes I’m emotional. I showed you all thoes things before we even got together. That’s not the reason. So I’d like to know the real reason. Why can you not be 100% with me? Give me your heart like I gave you mine. I gave you so much more than you ever gave me.
I ran and jumped off a cliff into this and you kind of walked and jumped. Like you were unsure, not all the way ready ready. I was always ready before you were. I wanted this so much more. And now I’m the one who wants out. I want out if you’re not willing to give me you. All of you. 100% of who you are. I’m here for you. I want you. But I don’t want your lies, your stories or your excuses. Be real. Be honest. Be you. Sounds so cliche but that’s all I want.
If I have to do this without you, I’m ready too. I’m willing because I have too. I may be weak right now, but without you I will be ok. I may not see that now. But I will. I promise. I’m not worried about you either. You’ll be.
So what do we do? Be fine with eachother or be fine without eachother? I don’t know the answer to that. Only you do.

Love,
Her