Born to Blossom, Bloom to Perish

Oh Mother.

I have lived with my mom for 22 years. She has been my provider and my protection. My mom was the only one who could make anything right. She’s the only one I fully trust. She’s the only one who knew everything I needed. I felt in a way I was leaving that, leaving her behind as I move on. That’s the last thing I could ever do. It’s how I felt but it’s something I had to do. Do I think I was ready? No. I didn’t pack anything until the day I actually moved out. I never thought about what I would need or want to bring. I just didn’t think about it at all. It was my way of dealing with it. When I had to begin to think about it I would cry. It would make me sad. I am probably more attached to my mother than any 22 year old girl should be. But that’s how it’s been. It’s always just been us.
I was only moving about 25 minutes away but knowing I couldn’t just run there if I needed to or be there in the blink of an eye. It was a drive. Maybe that drive was for a reason. Maybe it was so that I could think about why I did this before making any rash decisions or saying things that I would regret.
My boyfriend doesn’t understand why it was so hard on me. And he doesn’t know the half of how I felt. He had done this before. He had moved away from home a few times. To another state one time.. but I have not. I didn’t want to let me boyfriend take my mom’s place. I didn’t want him to be my provider and protector. Not because I didn’t think he could but because no one else ever has. He is that now. He is my provider and protector. He is the one who should make me feel safe and secure. And he does… for the most part. I don’t think he ever truly will for awhile. That’s my problem. I want to let him, I do. But again trust comes in play and it’s hard. But I’m learning and letting.
My mother means everything to me. I could never imagine my life without her. I love her for everything she’s ever done. I could cry just thinking about it. I owe her my life cause she’s given up so much of hers for me. I just hope one day I could be 1/2 as strong as she is.

I love you Mom.